Dealing with Ugly Baggage. Do You Need a Coach or Counsellor?

Have you ever felt unmotivated?  You knew what you needed to do but for some bizarre reason you couldn’t actually do it.

You know you need to _______________ but instead you find yourself __________________.  There are endless ways to fill in these blanks.

You want to save money but you end up waiting for the package from Amazon instead.

You want to de-clutter and end up feeling guilty watching Netflix.

You set up a fantastic plan for your diet but you consistently find yourself with the food you promised yourself you wouldn’t eat in your hand.

You started into an exercise routine that you were faithful to for three weeks and then you’re not sure what happened but you know the workouts aren’t happening.

I suspect most of us do this in some ways all the time.  This is why Life Coaching has become a growing field in the last few decades.

Today, I want to look at some of the differences between a coach and a counsellors/therapists. (From here on in, I will refer to them as counsellors.)  Are you familiar with coaching and how it differs from counselling?

The Difference Between Counselling and Coaching

They are alike in many ways:

Both counsellors and coaches deal with people and their past, present and future. With the lack of coaching available in Canada, many counsellors also act as coaches.  Both professions want to see you succeed and look to help you move forward into a better life.

Both coaches and counsellors help people who want to improve in some area of their life.  Counsellors have more formal training and are excellent at dealing with trauma and deep pain. I like to compare the work Counsellors do to Physiotherapists, whereas the work coaches take on is more like a Physical Trainer. A Physiotherapist takes someone who has been injured and who is unable to function properly and works with them to achieve functionality.  They get them back to being able to work.  A Physical Trainer, on the other hand, takes people who are already able to function and helps them improve in some area – typically fat loss, or muscle tone/size or improved cardio.

Both help people who are having trouble functioning in some area of their life. Counsellors  are trained to help you work through the issues and trauma from the past. Coaches focus on where you’re going and work with people who need support, accountability or help to get there.  Again like a Physiotherapist, a Counsellor hones in on specific areas that are causing you to not be able to work or function in your world.  Whereas, similar to a Personal Trainer, Coaches work with people who are able to get up in the morning (most mornings anyways!) and do what needs to be done in their world. They go to work, feed the pets/children, and are basically able to look after themselves. Like those seeking a Personal Trainer, someone looking for coaching desires to help improve in some area of their life – usually developing better habits, improving “stinkin’ thinkin’”, setting and reaching goals etc. A Life Coach can help you sort through why you are unmotivated, unhappy, uninspired or unable to do the things you want to do and help you take the steps necessary to move forward.  They help people who are working to improve and maximize their life. If you’ve hit a wall and can’t conceive of moving forward, Counsellors and Therapists are trained to help you. If you think you can make it over the wall and want someone to make sure you actually do it – coaches specialize in that.

How are They Different?

Coaches – narrow focus.  Counsellors – broad focus.  Coaches typically have a unique specialty and a wealth of life training related to that particular area.  Counsellors may also have specific areas training and specialized tools and therapy but are broadly trained to deal with a wide variety of people. Most coaches focus on one thing and help people specifically with that.  Some are wellness coaches helping you with your diet and exercise.  Some only deal with relationship problems. Some help you be more productive at work.  All will help you with the issues you see that are holding you back.  I, for instance, coach women who have been knocked down in life and want to get back on their feet stronger than ever.  I’ve studied extensively specifically in this area and have my own life experience with the subject that gives me a greater depth of understanding.  Many of the women I coach have already been through therapy or are still seeing a counsellor.  I fill a different gap in their journey forward.

Coaching is often done over the phone.  Because coaches deal with people who are motivated to move forward, coaching can often be successful over the phone. The nuances of body language play less of role.   Counsellors and therapists typically meet with clients face to face because there is much they can learn about a person by observing their body language. Coaching over the phone allows for calls to take place outside of regular office hours.  I have been able to talk with people while they are sitting in their car on a lunch break, after their children are tucked in bed, or while they are soaking up the sun on a holiday.

Dealing With Ugly Baggage

Consider this.  A woman walks into a counsellor’s office dragging a really ugly piece of luggage. The Counsellor says, “What have you brought with you?” (Sometimes the nasty bag has been with them so long, they forgot they were carrying it!) Over the next several weeks and months the Counsellor and client will proceed to go through the suitcase – unpacking it, taking out each item and noting how heavy it is, discovering where it came from and why they are carrying it. The Counsellor acknowledges their struggle in carrying the suitcase and together they work on deciding how to best deal with the items in the bag.
In contrast, a woman calls a Coach and openly admits she is carrying a really ugly piece of luggage. The Coach gets her to send a picture and says, “Yep! That’s one really ugly bag!” Together they laugh and decide to have a quick look through the bag and to see if there’s anything that can be thrown out. Sometimes it becomes clear that she doesn’t even want the bag and it’s not a big deal to pitch it.  The coach holds her accountable for doing that and helps her sort out what she is looking for in a new bag. Sometimes, the person decides they want to keep the bag.  In those instances, the coach asks, “Can you carry it?” If the answer is “Of Course!”, the coach responds, “Great. Let’s get moving!  We’ve got work to do!” They then spend the need weeks/months designing a plan on how to improve life while carrying the ugly bag. If in the process it becomes apparent the person can’t carry the bag but can’t let go of it either, the coach will suggest a good Counsellor to help them sort that out.
Counselling and Coaching are important to different people at different times.  Sometimes you need a Counsellor.  Sometimes you need a Coach.  Who do you need?

(Since writing this post I returned to school and received my Master’s Degree in Counselling.  Now I’m both – coach and counsellor!  The new hybrid…who needs a Prius?)