I have an ampersand gracing the wall above my dining room table. My kids joke that someday I’ll return to A&W for the other letters! I didn’t steal it. I bought it to remind myself of several things.
If you haven’t noticed, the & symbol has made a huge comeback in the last couple years. It is a common symbol used and loved by designers and decorators. You’ll see it prominently displayed on t-shirts, walls, and flyers. In fact, now that you’ve read this you’ll start to see it popping up everywhere – I guarantee it.
Besides its decorative potential, the use of ‘&’ in everyday life has incredible power. It ties together two opposite things that are better together. Like salt & pepper, sweet & sour, ebony & ivory and most importantly you and your significant other – opposites that are better together.
One little & can change your conversations.
It can improve your feedback by acknowledging two sides of something without canceling out the first half. Think about this sentence:
“You did a great job on that project but I think you need to check your numbers again.”
Using ‘but’ completely negates that you said anything good. Our focus immediately goes to what is said after the but. When you switch it out for an ‘and’, it carries less of a critical blow. Try this out:
“You did a great job on that project and I think you need to check your numbers again.”
It feels a little different doesn’t it?
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It can make room for improvement without tearing down. Try the power of ‘and’ on your kids, “You did a great job on your room but you didn’t make your bed” has a different flavour than “You did a great job on your room and you didn’t make your bed.” Both sides of the sentence are a true statement without the negative piece canceling out the positive. In the first sentence you sound like a parent who can never be satisfied. In the second, you’re simply adding a fact that doesn’t negate the first truth.
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It also allows for the inevitable tension in your most important relationships. Switch out the ‘but’ for ‘and’ in these sentences and sense the difference in attitude that it brings.
“I love my husband but he drives me crazy.” vs “I love my husband and he drives me crazy.” The ‘&’ acknowledges both truths – that he drives you crazy and you love him. Using & allows for the tension that we so often feel in relationship because to truly love someone means you love the whole person. “My sister is a lot of fun but she’s such a drama queen.” vs “My sister is a lot of fun and she’s such a drama queen.” The second sentence holds the tension that you feel between crazy love and annoyance that exists in many relationships. It means although she may be prone to creating a little drama, you still think she’s fun.
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It acknowledges your everyday struggles. “I want to take better care of myself but I have to look after _____(my parents, my kids, my yard etc.) Try this one instead, “I want to take better care of myself and I have to look after __________.” You can do both. You can care for others and you can care for yourself. It’s a juggling act and a daily struggle but it is possible.
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It can also take the punch out of our own excuses. “I want to eat healthy but I have an incredible sweet tooth.” holds the connotation that it is impossible for me to eat healthy because of a random condition that makes it impossible. “I want to eat healthy AND I have an incredible sweet tooth.” acknowledges the struggle but lets me own my responsibility in it. The struggle is very real!
Notice the difference in “I want to exercise but I have bad knees” vs “I want to exercise and I have bad knees.” Having bad knees is no longer a dead-end excuse and allows our minds to explore exercise options that are easier on the knees.
I know you can come up with instances where it doesn’t work but there are lots of times employing the ampersand improves a lot of things.
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On a spiritual note, it helps us understand something about God. Notice a phrase that is spoken of God throughout the Bible: He is loving & faithful. Do you see the importance of the ‘and’? Finding someone who loves you sometimes isn’t that hard. Finding someone who loves you and is faithful no matter what, is a different matter. And someone who is faithful to you but doesn’t love you…well that’s just a living nightmare. Faithful to love you no matter how you mess up. Madly in love with you no matter your flaws. Loving you and staying faithful no matter what distractions come their way. That is the stuff great country music love songs and good romances are about. That is the stuff God is about. He loves us with all the creative potential he has put within us & he is faithful to us when we don’t live up to that amazing potential. He loves us and sees our daily tension and struggles. Loving AND Faithful.
That little & is a powerful thing.
How can the ampersand improve your communication and relationships? I want to know.
How can the ‘&’ help you acknowledge the tension and struggle you face today? I want to hear.
I’m out of the loop on what an ampersand is….do you have a picture. ?
& I’m so glad you asked! Here’s more that you ever wanted to know about the ampersand (&) from dictionary.com: The word “ampersand” came many years later when “&” was actually part of the English alphabet. In the early 1800s, school children reciting their ABCs concluded the alphabet with the &. It would have been confusing to say “X, Y, Z, and.” Rather, the students said, “and per se and.” “Per se” means “by itself,” so the students were essentially saying, “X, Y, Z, and by itself and.” Over time, “and per se and” was slurred together into the word we use today: ampersand. When a word comes about from a mistaken pronunciation, it’s called a mondegreen.
Well, that’s interesting! I love to find out these quirky bits of information.
One example of a phrase connecting two significant truths that has had a powerful impact on me is found in Psalm 62:11 &12,
“One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: That you, O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving.”
How wonderful to know that our God is not only all powerful and has endless strength but that that strength is balanced with His all encompassing love. To me, it sounds like the ultimate place of safely.